Alberta, Canada

Canada's never really been a big, happy family— Albertans tend to see themselves as different and don't always get along with the rest of the country. If you can get past the cowboy redneck stereotypes, it's a beautiful province with lots of interesting architecture and festivals. People call Alberta the Texas of Canada, with the exception that it doesn't snow nine months a year in Texas.

 

 


Legislature Grounds, Edmonton, 1989<br> A scenic place, although security really takes your jokes about plastic explosives seriously. What a bunch of killjoys. Still Day, Lake Isle, 1986<br>Nice to see a clear glass lake on a quiet afternoon with no jet-skis once in a while.. because <em>I blew them all up</em>. Medicine Hat Valley, 1996<br>In the badlands, most of the summer was in the low <strong>forties</strong> Celsius. It's not <i>always</i> winter here, cowboys. Edmonton Downtown, 1994<br> Most western cities have nice, wide streets. It requires skill to jam them up, but we still manage to. Sign at Klondike Days, Edmonton, 2004<br> "Could I have iceberg or radicchio lettuce with that—hey—ouch!" Alberta flowers, Devonian Garden<br> Not a lot of flowers but a panorama of mosquitos. City Hall, 1995<br> To celebrate Edmonton's history, they built a giant pyramid. Don't ask. Alberta Legislature, Edmonton, 1994 <br> I did some research there just before 9/11 when I worked for the university. I used to sail in and out without ID. Try this in Washington. Sunshine Valley, 1989 <br>I grew up with trips to Jasper and so to me it's a bunch of trees, but Asian tourists go crazy here. I'd rather go to the beach. Canola Field, near Ponoka, 2010<br>I get canola and flax confused. Both are yellow and cover half of southern Alberta in summer. Jasper National Park, 1988<br> It's a bit<em> too</em> green— if I were a fish, it might be a little nauseating after a while.. Cheesy Ride, Klondike Days, 2004<br>When I was little I couldn't afford these rides, so we would run around the swing-set until we got sick, which wasn't much different. Fort McLeod, 2008 <br>"Change is good"? Not much change here. I think some of the streets would fit in well at Fort Edmonton... T-Rex Bones, Drumheller, 2010<br>The Royal Tyrell museum is said to be one of the best places to see dinosaurs in the world. You'd think they could feed these guys (sorry). Outdoor Chapel, Lake Isle, 1986 <br>It's fun having Sunday morning service outside. How often does a squirrel jump on the pastor at the Vatican? Medicine Hat, 1996 <br>This was the makings of a nasty storm, and then it blew over. And a voice spoke: "Arthur.. the Holy Grail is at the 7-11.." Lake Louise, near Banff, 2005<br>One of the most photographed places on earth, even more than Madonna's underwear! Rocky Mountains from the Air, 2003<br>That's my friend Dave waving from Banff, there—do you see him? Friends Mark and Kim on the Mindbender Roller Coaster, West Edmonton Mall, 2004. A lot of fun if you have enough spare money to, say, bring Brazil out of debt. 1895 Street, Fort Edmonton, 2008<br>What would people from 1895 say to us? "You're kidding! Aerosmith is still together?" Edmonton Skyline, 1989<br>It's very still and peaceful in the early evening... until <em>one</em> person starts their lawnmower. World's Track & Field, Edmonton, 2001<br>What a grouch. He wouldn't even stop to pose for the camera! Warning Sign at Lake Isle, 1993 <br>"Swim at own risk." Well, thanks for clearing that up. River Valley, Edmonton, 1990<br>In Las Vegas I missed the changing of the colors of the trees. Turning brown and dying from drought doesn't count. Jasper Ice Fields, 1991<br>You can slide down them on big plastic garbage bags. Nothing's too good for my date. Nanton Grain Elevators, 2008 <br>There aren't many elevators left in Alberta. But they sure burn nice! Giant Teepee, Medicine Hat, 1996<br>"Which one is the chief's?" Banff at Night, 2005<br>Not much happens at night in Banff. Of course, not much happens during daytime in Banff, either.. Lake Isle, 2005 <br>My dad's wire plants in his garden. If they were mine, they would still die! Pirate Ship at West Edmonton Mall, 2010<br>What's the connection to pirates? Well, wait until you see the attraction prices.. Hoodoos, Drumheller, 2010<br> The hoodoos are actually far smaller than advertised. Not that there's a shortage of rocks in the area. Europa Boulevard, West Edmonton Mall, 2010<br>We had coffee there and it was $2 and the service was polite. That's not very European! Mother and Ducks, Lake Isle, 2010<br>A cute picture, even if all the guys with me were making 'bang, bang' sounds. It <i>is</i> Alberta. Near Banff, Jasper National Park, 1993<br>Tough place to find a Taco Bell. Farmer's market, Whyte Avenue<br> If you can afford it, you might find that radicchio here. Bar Bottles, West Edmonton Mall, 2004<br> I miss being a bartender sometimes. I shouldn't have tried to juggle the bottles like in the movie. July 1 Fireworks, 1989<br> We got a little too close that year. "What's that? Speak up!" A little north of Banff, 2005<br> It's peaceful, but every year Japanese tourists get killed here. "But the Hello Kitty animals never maul anybody!" Double Rainbow, near Calgary, 2008<br>Heaven's promise that your basement might get flooded, but you won't have to build an ark. Heritage Days, Edmonton, 2010<br>A mother was painting her daughter for dancing in the reddest pavilion I've ever seen. University of Alberta, 2010<br>Some parts of campus are very pretty. The others are "what century's style of architecture do we feel like today?" Storm Whipping Up, Edmonton, 2005<br>Clouds know when you have the top down on your car. Medicine Hat Cactus, 1996<br>I don't know if you can get water from them, and I didn't try. They're <i>pointy</i>. Demolition Derby, Medicine Hat, 1992 <br>Saayy, Curtis, isn't that where we parked your car? Lake Isle Sunset, 1987<br>Ah, the the lovely radiant glow of pollution. Pyramid Lake Campground, Jasper, 1988<br>We spent a while trying to start a fire for cooking. It's been a while since cub scouts. Underwater in the WEM Sub Ride, 2004<br> With fish, ancient relics, and Spanish gold, all made of 'authentic imitation 100% plastic.' Jasper Glacier Ice, 1988<br>Somewhere near Pyramid Lake. Oh, the humanity. So much ice just crying out to cool some beer. Fort Edmonton, 2008<br> A replica of Edmonton's original fur trade fort from the 1700s. I think they've replicated the boredom quite well. Sunshine Valley, 1989<br>In the winter it's a ski resort.. in the summer it's a park. The chair lifts ran in the summer as well. Sunshine Valley, 1989<br>These are examples of the well-known... uh.. blue and yellow flowers. Look, the sun was hot that day, okay? Lake Isle, 1987<br>Alberta lakes can be pretty cold and dirty, but western sunsets are beautiful. Oil must refract in the air well.

Alberta
It's hard for me to be objective about my home province, but I think Alberta's a fun place to visit in summer. The big cities can be expensive, but you're not nearing B.C. prices. There's mountains, plains, lakes, dinosaur bones, and big cities. Edmonton in particular has lots of cool festivals. I wouldn't go in winter unless all you want to do is ski; May to October are when it's pleasant enough to walk around.

 

This'll be the player
Alpenhorn at Lake Louise (August 2005) 0:08
Trolley at Fort Edmonton Park (June 2008) 0:11
University of Alberta Campus (July 2010) 0:33
Ukrainian Dancers at Heritage Days (August 2010) 0:21