Ken's Boring Holiday Pictures
California

Those sun-drenched beaches; those sun-tanned bikini girls; those cool evenings of laid-back style. Yes, that's Bali.
It's what I was thinking about when I was stuck in traffic in Los Angeles.


Southern California
So-Cal didn't give me a peaceful, easy feeling... more like a "kill 'em all" feeling. The pressures of population, tourism, and endless cars make Los Angeles expensive, slow to get around. To add, it's not the friendliest place. My advice is to consider spring or fall when it's possible to enjoy attractions without day-long traffic jams. 		Northern California
I found myself liking northern California more than the south. The traffic thins and the people get slightly nicer. From the wine fields of south-central up through quirky, scenic San Francisco and north through the redwoods, there's lots to see. But stay off the coastal highway 1 if you don't want to be stuck forever behind trailers; just take 101.


 


Needles, 1986<br>The palm trees were endlessly fascinating to me on my first trip to the southwest as a teenager. There aren't so many of them in Canada. Marilyn Monroe's Print, Grauman's Theatre, Los Angeles, 2008<br>This was probably the most popular print at the theatre. There's a legend that Marilyn had eleven toes, but the hands don't give anything away. Obregon Dunes, near Mexicali, 2008<br>Dunes always make me feel like a boy, and I want to roll down them... and when my clothes are roughed up I remember what sandpaper is made of! Highway 101, Near Malibu, 2008<br>We gave up trying to park at the beach, but the seaside drive is pleasant. Enjoy it before California charges for the air. Sidewalk Stars, Los Angeles, 2008<br> The variety of people listed is interesting, but it feels just a little eerie walking over someone's star. Lunch in L.A.'s Koreatown. It's better than it looks. Los Angeles traffic jam. Not exactly difficult to get a picture of that. Grauman's Chinese Theatre, 2008<br> If you saw all the freaky people on the sidewalk, the animal mascots would not stand out at all to you... Malibu, 2008<br> I drank enough Malibu rum in my twenties, but it was a little disappointing to see the actual town. It might have been better if the town had parking. Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles, 2008<br> Ditto for Hollywood and Vine... the world-famous location of... an intersection with signs that say "Hollywood" and "Vine" on them. The Huntington Library. In San Marino there's a beautiful museum and library called the Huntington. There are medieval manuscripts, art galleries, and flower gardens. All this culture wasted on the Californians! Ellesmere Chaucer Manuscript, 2008<br>Written about 1400 by Chaucer's scribe, Adam Pinkhurst. It's stunning, even if you need to put up with the tourists: "This isn't Engliiishh..." Columns and Roses<br> It's pretty to walk around the Huntington gardens. Twenty miles closer to downtown LA and you might not see across the field for the smog. Lawn Statues<br> "No, really, I can change the light bulb without a ladder, it's fine." Rose Garden<br> I never promised you one, but here it is anyway. And how often do you see orange roses? First Quarto of Hamlet, 1603<br> This is considered a "bad" quarto for its missing parts. Every night at closing the museum staff give it a spanking. Gainsborough's Blue Boy, 1770<br>The original painting. Boys, don't go to school nowadays dressed like this! Rose Garden<br> Sometimes I feel I'm missing out having a very poor sense of smell. But then fertilizer time comes to the garden and I don't feel so unfortunate. Japanese Garden<br>The garden here is large, with the requisite koi fish, waterfalls, and mini-temples. It's about as close as you get to relaxing in LA. Solvang windmill, 2008. I liked Santa Barbara, but it was out of my class—the bums were dressed better than I was. Instead go to nearby Solvang, a pretty little village with a Danish theme. Olsen's Bakery<br> This was a bakery second to none, not crowded, and not a ripoff either. Miracles can happen even in California. Solvang Street<br>We bought a cuckoo clock, which isn't very Danish, although the bird <i>was</i> drunk on mead. Santa Ines Marker, Solvang<br>Santa Ines is on the outskirts of Solvang, and the architecture is Spanish. No see-sawing toys! Hamlet Hotel<br>If I tell everyone how nice it was I'll never get a room there again. So watch out for the locusts and the owner's crocodiles, which periodically escape. Santa Ines Mission Church, Solvang<br>It's a pretty church, founded in 1804. There's an admission to tour the church (it's California) but so far as I know it does have regular services. Olsen's Bakery<br> I hadn't had a good cup of tea in years. Vegas water, surprise, just wasn't very pure for good tea-making. Solvang Mill<br>The wings on the mill go round and round, round and round.. wait, that's not right. Building Front<br>Where <i>did</i> those Danes get the idea for Lego bricks from? It's a continuing mystery. San Diego, 2008. The traffic was its normal ridiculousness, but I didn't mind San Diego; I think I'll bomb it last. There's a pretty good trolley system, some nice beaches, and enough things to do and see. San Diego Hillsides<br>The hillside houses look very photogenic. Just don't lean over too far on the balcony. Gas Town, San Diego<br>Lots of neon. There were some seafood and oyster restaurants. It is <i>gas</i> town, remember. Gas Town View, San Diego<br>Gas Town is a very walkable section of restaurants and shops. But strange name when it's one of few places you <i>don't</i> need gasoline. Shamu the Whale, Seaworld, San Diego<br>$eaworld is fun, but it can rea£ly get ¢rowded on a $aturday. €veryone feels $orry for the animals, but the¥ get all the room they ₩ant. Dolphin Lineup, Seaworld<br> Like the whales (and the park), they play a little game of "soak the customers." You might notice there's not a lot of adults in the first twenty rows! Pink Flamingos<br> "Hey, Bill, looks like Sheila got too much sun. She's 2% more pink than the rest of us." Dolphin Show<br>They can walk on the pool water? Well... I for one welcome our new dolphin overlords. Puffin<br>Where are you going? Pick me! I'm cuter than the other stupid birds! Hey, over here! Pick meee! Penguins<br>They sure looked to me like they were posing. One even gave me the name of his agent.


Pismo Beach, 2008<br>Pismo is pretty and has fun sand dunes, although you don't want to swim without a wetsuit. Not a lot of Baywatch action here. Grapes Growing, South-Central California<br>It's hard to concentrate with all that wining. Sorry about that. Right side, Pismo Beach (Grover Beach)<br>But no surfer dudes when we were there. Were they all getting their hair done that day? Pismo Beach Dunes<br> No matter how old I get, I still have to roll down a few of them. Pismo Surf<br> I'm going to live in Solvang and vacation at Pismo. And then I'll ride my magic pony to the moon... The grapes seem so ordered and geometric—which is the last thing wine makes you do! Divisadero Street, San Francisco<br> My father-in-law kept saying, "Everyone is so slim!" If you can afford to live here and you can get past the gay jokes, San Fran is surprisingly cool and walkable. Downtown Street View<br>I'm dating myself. The whole time I was thinking of 'Rice-a-Roni.' Just be careful where you park in San Fran. We were towed and were fined an extortionary $<i>300</i>. Fruit Stand, Downtown<br>When you travel some places, after a while you get suspicious that everything's a tourist trap. It's nice to see a real fruit stand, and real soggy cardboard. Downtown Mural<br>Many people find this graffiti-mural painting a nuisance, but to me it's actually kind of innocent. I lived in Las Vegas, remember. View from Union Square<br> In some ways the downtown is similar to Singapore. It just needs "Don't do this!" signs every fifty metres. Alcatraz from Pier 49. At first I wanted to refuse to pay my parking fine, but then I thought... San Fran Tram<br>We never took it. There were <i>way</i> too many people waiting. There are tour buses next to Union Square which take you to more places anyway. San Fran Jam<br> Relative to LA, the drivers are fairly polite. But there's still millions of them. San Fran Glam<br> I wish I had seen it at night. After living in Korea you get a taste for blinding neon! View from Alamo Park<br>I liked the buildings, and San Fran people were pretty friendly. But after you put the flowers in your hair, put on a coat at night, even in June. Golden Gate Bridge<br>Inevitably we had to stop to see the you-know-what, and hope the metal we're driving on isn't weakened from camera flash burn. Pier 33<br><i>Some</i> tour buses might take you to the inferior, wannabe Pier 32 or 31 or even 30, but <i>we</i> take you to the real thing. San Fran Trolley Lines<br>We used to have these in Edmonton in the 70s, when instead of picturesque and antique they were just called plain ugly. The Blue Mermaid<br>Despite the tourist kitsch of the harborfront, I would like to go back and see more someday. I just won't take a car to San Fran next time. Rumboldt & Redwoods Forests<br>Yes, it's a bunch of trees. But the tourist traps are minimal, it's quiet, and there isn't a fee every hundred metres. Sometimes the state gets it right by leaving things alone. Of course, what else do trees have to do? Grow, grow, grow. The rings go back centuries. "I've been here since Roman times... just to be made into telephone books?" I didn't hear many animals. Even squirrels must get afraid of heights eventually! But remember, trees, you may be big... but I have the cigarette lighter! So where are the jet rides, like in <i>Star Wars</i>? It might be fun to climb, if you have a few days and an oxygen tank. Humboldt Forest at Dusk<br> For once, the highway doesn't need to be twinned into four lanes. Leave it be. Trinidad Bay Lighthouse<br> Northern California is not what I expected. The beaches turn rocky and the cities give way to little fishing villages. The people start to look less like movie stars and more like Captain Highliner. Trinidad Bay Inlet<br>This part of California really reminded me of Newfoundland. All it's missing is howling wind and drizzling cold. Ah, memories. Diner Neon, Trinidad<br>It was a good lunch, but I didn't have espresso. I didn't need to drive <i>that</i> fast. Sea Lions Sunning, Trinidad Bay"Yes, I have a nephew working at Seaworld in San Diego. He's doing really well: fifty fish a day." Building Mural, Eureka<br>You don't expect ballet in a little town, and I guess they want to emphasize it! Eureka Docks<br>It's a pleasant dock, but I didn't want to stand on that white circle for long, in case that's where they dump the fish or something. Downtown Eureka I liked downtown Eureka a lot, but this is most of it in one picture. So long, California. Sorry about L.A.—every family has an embarassment.

 

 

 

 

This'll be the player
Dolphin Show, San Diego (August 2008) 0:36
Curious Puffin, San Diego (August 2008) 0:29
Hollywood Boulevard (June 2008) 0:16
Giant Redwoods (June 2008) 0:30
Powell Street, San Francisco (June 2008) 0:24
Trinidad Bay Panorama (June 2008) 0:15